


a specter of yourself here among the living

by androids_fighting93



Series: never let me go [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Feels, Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, Post-Finale, Spoilers for Story and Song, Spoilers for The Stolen Century, spoilers for Lunar Interlude V
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-16 16:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12346404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androids_fighting93/pseuds/androids_fighting93
Summary: He grips the wooden hand of the mannequin and remembers pulling Magnus back from the Astral Plane, like a black hole dragging them both in. He keeps trying not to think about what they saw, but it plays over and over again in his mind, Kravitz pulled under that pit of tar and helpless and afraid, he's never seen Kravitz helpless before. And they couldn't do a thing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to have two chapters - this one is just after Wonderland/before they get their memories back, the second will be set after the finale. I thought about posting them separate, but they were both too short to stand alone I think.
> 
> In case you clicked this without reading my first fic in this series (which I've decided to tenatively title "Never Let Me Go" because I'm listening to that Florence and the Machine song right now and that's pretty much my method for naming things I guess), Magnus, Taako, and Kravitz are in a polyamorus relationship - please go read that before you read this otherwise it won't make much sense! If you like this or if you read the first fic in the series, "Strong Enough To Break Your Fall," please consider subscribing cause I want to write more about my sweet boys who love each other very much and also I'm a vampire who feeds on comments and kudos.
> 
> I've tried to proof read this but I'm wiped out and I have a D&D session to run tomorrow that I haven't prepared for so like... let me know if you see a typo and I'll fix it haha

Everything went to shit so fast that Taako is running on sheer adrenaline at this point, hasn't even been fucking healed yet, because Pan isn't answering Merle's calls even outside of Wonderland, a potion takes the edge off enough that he's no longer coughing blood. Every step they take hurts and yeah, going off the grid seemed exciting at first - and to Taako it’s pretty much the go to solution when everything goes to hell around you; cut your hair, change your name, and get the fuck out of dodge - but in hindsight letting his stone of farspeech get smashed was about the dumbest thing he could have done. If this Red Robe fucker turns on them what can they do, call down a glass orb with their bracers? What good will that do against a fucking lich?

He doesn't trust the guy. Doesn't trust anything happening right now. But he trusts Magnus, with everything he has, and Magnus for some _fucking_ reason is trusting the Red Robe. So - though not without complaint - he follows.

He reaches blindly and finds Magnus's - the mannequin's - hand, gripping the rough wooden fingers tight as he can because he knows it won't hurt him, the light sharpness of the splinters a little grounding. Magnus looks at him with that awful blank face and squeezes back. Taako remembers pulling him back from the Astral Plane, like a black hole dragging them both in, and shivers. He keeps trying not to think about it, but it’s impossible to ignore what he saw, Kravitz pulled under that pit of tar and helpless and afraid, he's never seen Kravitz helpless before. And they did nothing. Couldn't do a damn thing, Merle and Magnus needed him he couldn’t just let go but _fuck..._

For about the hundredth time he reaches for his stone of farspeech, but the space where it hung around his neck is empty and he feels bile rising in his throat. Useless to keep thinking about it.  A complete waste of energy. Still, Kravitz consumes his every thought, at least the thoughts not concerned with trying to piece together what the Red Robe wants with them. Has to believe that Kravitz pulled himself out of that inky black sea but he can’t _know,_ and even then Kravitz can’t contact him now, he probably thinks Taako died in Wonderland, thinks that Taako is never coming for him. _Fuck._ His stomach is in knots of hunger and anxiety and there’s been a god damn rock in his shoe for an hour. He's having a really, really shitty day.

"You should try to get some rest," Magnus says, later when they've made camp. Merle fell into a fitful slumber after trying fruitlessly to pray to his god, kicking a tree in his frustration and then spending a long time apologizing to it. The Red Robe just _sits_ there, doesn’t say a word. "I can't sleep anyway, so I can just keep watch."

"You know I won’t be able to," Taako says, knees pulled up to his chest and staring at the fire. He is not stupid, regardless of how he presents himself (it’s easier, usually, when people think you are.) He knows when people are lying, knows _Magnus_ well enough to know he’s hiding something, but apparently Magnus is a good enough liar that he doesn’t have a clue _what._ He doesn’t think Magnus has ever actually lied to him before. It feels _weird_ , wrong, makes him itch. He doesn't bring it up.

"I'll be right here."

Taako shakes his head. Maybe if Magnus were here, _really_ here, if he could curl up next to him soft and warm and _home_ but how could he spoon a block of wood. He's fucking exhausted, though, he'll be useless tomorrow if he doesn’t meditate, but it will come with nightmares.

A flicker of magic passes over him and he feels Disguise Self dissipate. Without even a breath of space between the two spells he casts it again. It's harder than it should be, too tired, he fumbles with the threads of magic dancing over his fingers, but it sticks. If he manages to rest enough he'll have the slots back by tomorrow, he can keep this up forever if he has to, he will be beautiful and he will be _fine_. Beside him, Magnus sighs. "You know you don’t have to do that."

"I really do."

"It’s really not bad -"

"Hop off my dick, Mags," he snaps, and the mannequin looks down at the ground. Across the campsite the Red Robe is staring at him intently, at his disguised face, he doesn’t know how he knows that exactly but he can feel it, every hair on his neck standing on end. "Take a picture, asshole," he calls out, and the Red Robe doesn't answer, just stares for a moment longer and then turns away. He's doing it again, taking out his fear and frustration on everyone else, and of course Magnus just takes it in stride.

"You're still beautiful. That’s all I meant.” Magnus says after a minute, and Taako laughs at the lie, sharp and biting. Then, softer like he’s not sure Taako wants to hear it right now, “I love you.”

Taako swallows down the lump in his throat and nods. He doesn't have the words to explain why it feels so wrong, it both is and isn't vanity, his body deeply and unsettlingly wrong and he doesn't fully know why, trying to examine it further fills his head with static the same way thinking about his deaths does, the same static as when the Temporal Chalice was digging its way through lost memories. So he settles for saying, voice small and miserable, "But it’s not the face you fell in love with, that Kravitz -" and he can’t even finish that statement. Its only part of it, doesn't nearly encompass the wrongness of it all. Stupid. Magnus lost a whole damn body, and here he is worried about wrinkles and eye bags.

"You saw him, right?" Magnus says, and Taako moves closer to him on instinct.

"I don’t even know if he's..." He chokes, and Magnus's wooden arm is around him in an instant, it’s not enough but Taako leans into it anyway. "I should have tried - fucking anything but leaving him there."

"What could we have done? We were pretty busy not dying."

"I don’t know. Anything." He keeps wracking his brain for a spell, but he can’t think of a damn thing that would take him to the Astral Plane long enough to find Kravitz and get him out, or let him do a damn thing while he’s there. Certainly nothing at his level. He breathes in, rubbing away the tears threatening to spill.

"It's Kravitz, he's strong. He's got the Raven Queen backing him up."

"Not if she's out of the office," Taako says, looking pointedly at Merle. If Magnus had a face, his brow would furrow, but he doesn’t, so.

"You think it's not just Pan that’s not answering?"

"I don't know what to think!" He's aware that he's starting to panic, chest too tight to breathe, but he tries to ignore it, stupid, useless, his isn't _helping._ He misses his bed, misses the moon base, somewhere along the way that became home after all. Misses Kravitz, and this strange and wonderful thing he and Taako and Magnus are exploring together and now it might be over before it really began and Taako hasn't even told him that he... "I don't know. Everything's fucked."

Magnus takes his hand, rough wood on smooth skin, and pulls it away from his face, and Taako realizes that he was pulling at his hair, a few light strands clinging to his fingers.

"We'll get him out of there, Taako," Magnus says, so firm and sure that Taako nearly believes him. "We'll get him out."

* * *

"Those are the arms that held my wife," Magnus says, his body floating in a tank before them, and Taako feels sick.

He's never resented Julia for what she and Magnus had. Not once. Never felt anything for her except anger that she was taken away from Magnus so soon, he agreed to track down her killer for fucks sake. But -

Those arms held him too, and he’s _here_ , right here and alive and needing Magnus and he wasn't the first thing Magnus thought of, and Magnus is willing to risk forgetting him, all of it, for a body. And it isn’t fair for to even think these things, it’s not his choice and they’ll never get another chance like this but fear claws at him. He may have lost Kravitz today. If he loses Magnus too…

"I can't feel anything," Magnus says, pleading with him to understand, and Taako gets it. He does, but fuck he _hates_ this. He asks Magnus to think it through, but Magnus rushes in and all that, he’s made up his mind and all Taako can do it hope this doesn’t fall to shit too – and if he sends a little prayer to Istus, well, he just hopes she can pull a few strings up there, wherever the gods have fucked off to. Can’t waste any more time on this, and yes he wants Magnus back in his body but the risks are terrifying, if Magnus doesn’t know him when he climbs out of that tank Taako doesn’t know what he’ll do.

Still. They have a job to do, and they’re not learning shit in the back room of a Fantasy Costco. So he leaves a map and a note, draws a heart and then scribbles it out and writes “I love you” instead, hoping it means something to Magnus when he wakes up. He doesn’t say that often, not nearly enough (because anyone can just say it, there is nothing stopping you from lying) so it means everything when he does.

* * *

When Taako drinks the voidfish ichor, his mind burns from the effort of remembering, for a moment he's sure the force of it will kill him. At the forefront is Lup, he gets her back and loses her all over again in the span of seconds, and he ignores Lucretia’s pleas that they take the remembering slow, he doesn’t care what happens to him right now, just needs to _know,_ he clings to every scrap of memory of his sister, _his sister, how could you forget your sister_ , and it burns but he has to know, has to remember all of her or she will really, truly be lost.

In between the memories of her, others, dulled by the hot and bright thoughts of _Lup, Lup, Lup,_ slowly pour through, creating a complete picture of a hundred years long lost, a life he didn’t realize was incomplete until he has all the pieces of the puzzle before him. The static that has clouded the edges of his vision for his entire life finally fades. And when Magnus finally comes and drinks the ichor too, their eyes lock across the room, the same understanding dawning on their faces even through the agony of remembering all that they’ve done and all that they’ve lost. And he grasps at those memories, head spinning, sharp and bright and too much but somehow _right_ even as it hurts.

And Taako remembers a hundred years of loving him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz loves him, and the world doesn't end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If chapter 1 was all angst this is just pure fluff. And snuggling. Because that's just what I write? I guess?

The world doesn’t end.

It seems impossible – a hundred cycles of fighting the hunger, of running for their lives and trying to save whoever they could along the way, whether they got the Light of Creation or not the Hunger’s descent always meant an ending in one way or another. Either the world was consumed or they had to move on, knowing they would never return to that plane. So when they _win,_ part of Taako waits for everything to fall apart anyway. Waits to leave it all behind, watch it be consumed, this world he learned to love when everything that came before was dust.

It doesn’t. They stay. Everyone around him is cheering, celebrating their victory, and he’s stunned to silence, how can they still be here, how can they possibly get to stay?

Across the battlefield, a rift is carved in space and Kravitz is running to him before his scythe has even disappeared, before he’s even out of his skeletal form, and Taako’s feet move without him telling them to, they crash into each other halfway, Kravitz lifting him and spinning him around before he crushes him into his arms. “You did it, you fucking did it,” he laughs, and kisses every inch of Taako’s face, and Taako squeezes him too tight just to feel him here and safe and _his_ and not dust, never ever dust _._

He stays, and finally, _finally,_ this is where the journey ends.

* * *

Without consciously agreeing to do so, almost everyone finds themselves gathering in the Tres Horny Boys’ rooms at the bottom of the base, with the exception of Merle and a few Bureau employees who went immediately to find their families planet-side. It’s relatively undamaged by the Hunger’s attack, and it has one of the better-stocked liquor cabinets on the base; Taako isn’t sure which of these facts plays into the decision more, but it’s all but empty by the end of the night – mostly because of Magnus, Carey and Killian, though Taako watches Lucretia get through most of a bottle of wine on her own, quiet and standing apart from the rest unless someone engages her. Taako doesn’t. If it were up to him she wouldn’t be anywhere near him or Lup, but it’s not up to him, and he had other things he can focus on for now, to keep himself from ruminating on how fucking _betrayed_ he still feels.

Things like Kravitz, who Taako doesn't let out of his sight the entire night, despite the reaper’s (half-hearted) protests that he should get back to the Astral Plane, back to work. “One night,” Taako insists, work can fucking wait as far as he’s concerned, “the Raven Queen can let you off for one fuckin’ night, yeah? You _did_ just help save the world.”

“You lot did that, not me,” Kravitz says – but he doesn’t do much to convince Taako he should go, stuck to Taako’s side like glue, constantly touching him like he thinks one of them will disappear. He’s anxious around Taako’s friends – his family, really, the whole IPRE crew here and most of the Bureau too, it’s gotten crowded and _loud_ and most people are understandably nervous around the Grim Reaper. When he starts slipping into different accents Taako quickly steers him away from the crowd, snatching a half-empty bottle of whiskey from the counter, and settles down in a corner of the room where he can see everyone (and it feels very important, somehow, with everyone he loves in the same room, to keep them all in his line of sight). Kravitz relaxes, then, and so can Taako, knowing he’s okay.

It is half victory celebration and half sheer relief that somehow they are all still alive, and no one wants to be apart now. As the night goes on blankets and pillows are spread out on the floor as people start to fall asleep, exhaustion outweighing the need to get wrecked. Taako fetches his softest blankets and builds a little nest in his corner, curling up around Kravitz. Carey and Killian and Avi wind up in a pile together in the middle of the room, and Lucretia falls asleep on Magnus’s shoulder, with little Angus (who accepted an irresponsibly large mug of cocoa in lieu of alcohol as his vice of choice, though Taako offered him a sip of what he was drinking just to see the look on his face when he tasted it – unfortunately he didn’t take the bait) tucked into the crook of Magnus’s arm, and god if that sight doesn’t make something ache in Taako’s chest, right below his heart, something he can’t quite describe. Lup and Barry snuck off to Taako’s room a while ago – she had apologized, but he waved her off; she and Barry needed each other now, and Kravitz needed him, and they weren’t going to lose each other again. They have time, now, so much time, he still can’t believe that they get to stay in a world that’s finally safe.

Taako and Kravitz aren’t sleeping, not yet, something in Taako feels too wound up for that, maybe it's the constant touch of Kravitz's hands on his waist or the buzz of whiskey on their breath. He had honestly prepared to get black-out drunk, after this insane fucking day, but now with Kravitz here he doesn’t feel the need to, the whiskey goes mostly untouched a few feet away. He sprawls over his lover, pressing lazy, wet kisses to his neck, making him hum low in his throat as he twists Kravitz's locs around his fingers, no urgency, simply reveling in having him here. They hadn’t seen each other before Taako left for Wonderland (surely a lifetime ago and not a mere day), only spoken over the stone of farspeech as Taako got ready to leave, and neither could have predicted everything that would happen before they could be together again.

"I still can't believe you have a sister," Kravitz says after a while, voice hushed in the sleeping room.

"Join the club," Taako laughs. "Fuck, my life makes so much more sense with her."

"The lich thing is, um, less than ideal."

“My dude – like, I’m feeling this, y’know, feelin’ you, but murdering my sister is sort of a deal breaker, just, for me personally. Huge turn-off.”

"I mean. Ideally there won't be any murder at all," Kravitz says.  “She did help save all of creation, I know I can make some kind of exception. Nothing I can tell you yet, but I’ve got a plan.”

"You sure love bending those precious rules of yours, huh."

"Only for you." Kravitz says, kissing Taako's forehead, and he snuggles closer, relieved to hear that Kravitz is already thinking about this, even if he wouldn’t admit that he was worried. He trails his fingers up Kravitz’s arm, an absent touch.

“You feel warm,” he murmurs, letting his fingers dwell on Kravitz’s normally clammy skin.

“Do I?”

“Yeah. Well, warm _er._ ”

“I always feel warmer with you,” Kravitz says, soft and sleepy, and Taako can’t help but grin.

They fall silent again, and Taako lets his mind wander. It settles, of course, on Kravitz – back at Phandolin, on the sapphire mirror, magic crackling through the air and the rush of power the likes of which Taako had never felt running through him, and it still hadn’t compared to the way Kravitz looked at him like he was the moon and the sun and every star in the sky. When he had Kravitz in his arms he had the distinct sensation of teetering on the edge of a cliff, and when Kravitz said he loved him he had lost his balance completely.

Loved him. _Loved_ him. Loved HIM. He wants to laugh thinking about it, or maybe cry, the line between the two is really quite thin. They haven’t even been together that long, this should scare him, he should want to run away. Perhaps just a few days ago it would have scared him, but he’s just faced down the living embodiment of nihilism, so nothing else is quite so threatening in comparison. Mostly he feels warm – warm all the way to his fingers and toes, the same way Magnus makes him feel, which is a complicated thought to add to this whole soup of feelings, considering everything he’s just remembered, considering that Kravitz saw all of that too, when the voidfish broadcasted his life story to all of reality. It’s a _lot,_ knowing that Kravitz knows everything about him, a lot more than he’s able to process right now, there will be stages to all this, but for now? Kravitz loves him, and the world doesn’t end.

It had taken him years to admit to himself that he loved Magnus, longer to say it to Magnus himself. He’d flirted shamelessly, hardly thinking of it going anywhere, he’d thought Magnus was straight at first. But Magnus had fallen hard and fast and he tried to keep it to himself but of course Taako knew, knew right away, and what did you even _do_ with that? And he’d had to learn that twice, he realizes now for the first time, falling in love with Magnus all over again. But no wonder he had fallen so quickly the second time, somewhere in him he already recognized that feeling, that warmth that spread throughout him that meant he was falling in love. He feels it now with Kravitz, flaring hot and bright like burning paper, almost too much to process with everything else that’s happened today.

“Krav?” He says, the silence between them growing stifling, and he sits up, back against the wall. Kravitz lets him shift but stays close, greedy to touch him, now that they’re finally back together. He had been so _shy_ about touch when they first met, two hundred years of being a reaper, he wasn't exactly surrounded by friends, people aren't often happy to see him, he hadn't known what was okay, and now that he does know he doesn’t want to stop. He tilts his head, looking at Taako questioningly.

He is so beautiful Taako can barely stand it, heart pounding. He could say it back. He’s 99.9% sure he wouldn’t be lying. Taako lies like it's second nature, but he never wants to say this and not mean it.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Taako says softly, as earnest as he knows how to be, reaching out to brush his cheek, fingers catching at the corner of his lips. Kravitz blinks, mouth falling open slightly. “I was – I thought I’d lost you.”

A shaky laugh escapes Kravitz, and he takes Taako’s hand and presses it to his lips, eyes closed. “I thought so too, for a while.” And then his breath hitches, eyes shut tight, holding Taako’s hand that little bit tighter. “Sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispers, and Taako’s stomach drops when he realizes Kravitz is trying not to cry.

“No, honey, no…”

“It was just - I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so _dark_. And when I couldn’t contact you I thought you were – I tried so hard to get to you, I thought everything was gone.” He sniffles, doesn’t quite cry, rubbing away the tears that tried to fall.

“Shh,” he pulls Kravitz in, kissing him softly and then tucking his head to his chest, and he comes easily, pliant in Taako’s arms, and Taako is so warm, to his fingers and toes and the roots of his hair, and he’ll be able to say it soon, he thinks. Not tonight. But he’ll say it and he’ll be sure and he’ll _mean_ it. “Nothing like that is ever happening again. Okay? You’ll never be alone like that. Not ever.”

His back starts to ache from so much time on the floor, but he wouldn’t move if the Hunger was on them now.

* * *

He must have slipped into a trance at some point without realizing it, because he's pulled back to consciousness by the sound of movement nearby, the room illuminated by his darkvision, Magnus trying to delicately tiptoe to the kitchenette without stepping on anyone or disturbing them. He laughs fondly at the sight, which draws Magnus's attention, his eyes narrowed to see through the dark of the room.

"Sorry," Magnus whispers, sounding too loud in the quiet apartment, everyone else but them asleep or pretending to be. 

"You're fine," Taako whispers back, shifting a little and wincing at how sore he is. He's still sitting up against the wall, while Kravitz, sleeping like the dead, has curled up with his head on Taako's lap, his arms wrapped around Taako's waist. He smiles, brushing Kravitz's locs out of his face, and Kravitz mumbles in his sleep and snuggles closer. The Grim Reaper, Servant of the Raven Queen, Literal Actual Death Himself is fucking adorable.

Magnus gets a glass of water from the kitchen and then navigates the room to the corner that Taako and Kravitz claimed, finding a space to sit next to them. Now that they're close enough Taako looks at him,  _really_ looks for the first time since before the battle, at the new cuts already healing into scars, the bruises, a chipped tooth. It's rough, worse even than Magnus tends to look, and he doesn't exactly go out of his way to avoid injury. Taako's sure he doesn't look much better, can already feel a monstrous bruise blooming on his ribs, but they're alive, gloriously alive. And now that Magnus is here Taako can't _stop_  looking at him, emotion welling up sudden and threatening to burst like a dam.

Magnus drinks some of his water, offers a sip to Taako and then sets the empty glass aside. "How is he?" He asks, nodding down at Kravitz, and Taako realizes for the first time that Magnus hadn't actually seen Kravitz since they were being pulled into the Astral Plane, when he was drowning as the Hunger descended on them. 

"A little shook up." Taako says, resting a hand on Kravitz's shoulder. "Tired. But I think he'll be fine."

Kravitz shifts again, lifting his head and blinking, confused. "'s Magnus here?" he asks blearily, not quite awake.

"Yeah, baby, right here," Taako murmurs, and Magnus shifts closer as Kravitz stretches out across Taako's lap, reaching out blindly to touch him, eventually finding his hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Glad -" Kravitz pauses, yawning, "glad you're alright," he mumbles before his eyes flutter closed

"You too, buddy," Magnus says and looks down at him fondly, bending over to kiss his cheek, which makes Kravitz smile and squirm yet closer, like he can't get enough of touching them. Kravitz and Magnus aren't as close with each other as they each are with Taako, he doesn't know yet if they'll get to that point or if they want to, but he can tell how much his boys have grown to like each other already - he knows for a fact that Kravitz has a crush on Magnus and it's the sweetest thing, he loves being with both of them so much it's almost  _too_ much, impossible that there is so much goodness in his life, them and Lup and the rest of their bizarre little family, sleeping safe and sound all around them.

Kravitz dozes off again quickly and a silence falls over them, and Taako thinks he's never felt so warm, Magnus on one side and Kravitz in his lap. He continues playing with Kravitz's hair and looking down at him, somehow fascinated by his cheekbones, with the way his eyelashes fan out, long and dark. Safe and here and  _his._ "He loves me, Mags," Taako says, hushed and reverent, still overwhelmed with everything that means. 

He feels more than sees Magnus smile, resting his chin on Taako's shoulder and looking down at the reaper. "I could have told you that."

Taako answers with a noncommittal hum, leaning back against Magnus. They would be more comfortable if they moved to Magnus's bed even if there isn't really space for three, but he can't quite get himself to move from this spot yet. They haven't even gotten a chance to talk, to think about anything but the next move they needed to make to win and survive, with everything that happened, Lup's return and the fight with the Hunger and everything in between. All those memories poured into his head so fast he felt weighed down under them, in the span of minutes he's a whole different person than he thought, and hell if his life doesn't make so much more  _sense_ now that he knows what was missing - not just his childhood with Lup and how he's felt for a decade like half of himself was missing, but why he was so instantly drawn to Magnus, trusting him in a way he had never known he could, it had terrified him at first - how could he trust this man he didn't even know, this brash and hulking  _human_ who, frankly, looked a hell of a lot like every human who had hurt him in all his years cooking for mercenaries and adventurers. But in meeting Magnus he'd felt safe for the first time since Glamour Springs, like he was coming home, and it had never made sense until now.

A hundred years. A century of knowing this man, inside and out and in every way you can know a person, loving him as a friend and family and then realizing it had always been so much more. Love built like a sturdy house, brick by brick and year by year, through late night talks, and early breakfasts, and playing with Fisher, and adventures through impossible worlds, through dying and dying and _dying_ and living again - and in some innocuous moment in a cycle otherwise forgotten he'd looked at Magnus and finally  _saw_  him, and thought  _oh, there you are, I love you. I've always loved you, a_ nd he let himself fall, knowing Magnus would catch him, and he always did.

A far easier realization for that version of himself, it hadn't been so easy for who he is now, this version of Taako who never had a family he could trust the way he trusted everyone on the Starblaster, had never learned how. But even when his mind couldn't remember what it had taken them decades to build, his heart and his body had led him home, right where he was meant to be, and whispered,  _there he his, trust him, trust in this,_ and by some miracle he'd listened _._

He realizes he's been staring at Magnus but he looks at Taako with the same intensity and it's almost too much to bear, his tenderness, the concern written across his face. "Are you okay?" Magnus asks, bringing a hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind Taako's ear - flesh and blood now, instead of splintering wood and Taako turns his cheek into the warmth of it, eyes fluttering closed. 

"Not even a little," Taako says, because there's nothing he can hide from Magnus even if he wanted to. It's a lot, it will take forever to process, but now he finally can."But I'll get there. Are you?"

"Uh... same, pretty much," Magnus says with a short laugh, looking for a moment like he's going to cry, and if he starts crying than Taako knows he won't be far behind, too exhausted and emotional. "But we're still here. I can't believe we're here."

Taako can't believe it, either - not just that they survived but at the odds of the two of them here and together, it must be astronomical, of all the people to be in that bar in Neverwinter on that day, it had to be the three of them. "You found me," he says, voice cracking, bringing his hand up to hold Magnus's where it still cradles his face, thumb brushing the sensitive edge of Taako's long ear and making him shiver. "After everything - you still found me."

_You found me, and you loved me even when I wasn't really me._

"We found each other," Magnus whispers, coming in closer like he can't bear to exist in any space except the one that Taako occupies. He swallows, gathers himself so that he can speak again, "When - when you drank the voidfish water," he begins, not bothering to mask the anxiety in his voice, "You saw...?"

Taako bites his lip and nods, blinking rapidly. "Mhm."

"We...?" He doesn't finish, doesn't have to, Taako knows that particular fear - no longer being able to trust his own memory, the fear that what he remembers wasn't real and the fear that it  _was_ all at once.

Taako's eyes burn with unshed tears, but he doesn't bother to rub them away, he lets them come and leans further into Magnus's hand, pressing a kiss to his palm. "Yeah," he whispers, smiling so wide it's a wonder his face doesn't split in two. "Yeah."

He doesn't know if the sound Magnus makes is a laugh or a sob but it doesn't matter when he kisses him - soft at first, like a question, which Taako answers by curling a fist in the collar of Magnus's shirt and pulling him in closer, he kisses Magnus like he's the first bite of a meal after days of starving, hard and needy, slowing down when he realizes that he won't just disappear in his hands, that no one is going to keep them apart again.

When they finally pull away to breath Taako's face is wet and he doesn't know if the tears are his or Magnus's at first until they keep rolling down his cheeks. Magnus pull him in close, pressing a warm and firm kiss to the top of Taako's head, and Taako sobs into his chest, now that he's started he can't seem to stop - and he should be embarrassed but he's not, not here, not with Magnus, the dam finally bursting and releasing everything this fucking day has put him through. Beside them Kravitz sits up, letting his blanket fall to the floor, and wraps his arms around Taako from behind. Kravitz tucks his head into the crook of his neck, nuzzling closer, and he doesn't ask why they're crying. Magnus's arms are big enough that he can hold them both, and he does, and they tangle together, the three of them, until Taako isn't sure where he ends and they begin. Far below them, the planet continues to turn, and the world doesn’t end. 

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr! @androidsfighting


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